Race Tactics 110

Welcome to beginning race tactics. Sure, this will be remedial for some of you, but others may learn something new that they will want to try when the opportunity next presents itself. So, there's the gun, and we've all clipped in...off we go!

Today's lesson is on how to drop a rider, or group of riders, that you would prefer not be sucking your wheel. These "wheelsuckers" are a drain on your energy because they let you stay up front in the wind while they consererve energy and get a good meal while they sit in your draft. When someone doesn't want to work, it's best to get rid of them, pronto. Here are some time honored, tried and true methods for shucking that wheelsucker.


The Shake And Bake
This technique was demonstrated by Kevin Costner in the movie, American Flyers (co-starring Rae Dawn Chong and the virgin, Connie Swail...you know that had to be a box office smash). In this manuever, you swerve suddenly and violently to one side of the road and back in an attempt to catch the wheelsucker unawares, quickly depriving him of your draft, forcing him to suddenly have to put down his sandwich and au jus and start pedaling if he doesn't want to find himself on his own in no man's land. I thought they might have been trying this move on Ruffner road last Tuesday, but it turns out, they were just dodging potholes.

The 2 for 1 Gap
No, this isn't a sale on overpriced clothes at the mall. To work this extraordinarily effective move, you need a teammate along with you, or someone you can talk into playing Curly to your Larry, and your opponents Moe. Maneuver your teammate (or "friend") so that he is between you and the person(s) you want to drop. When you give the signal, he immediately should start applying his brakes. This allows a gap to open and you are on your own, off the front. If you have an emergency, bring your friend up alongside you, accelerate quickly and suddenly, opening up a 2 foot gap between you and the rider behind. Your friend should without any warning at all jump into that gap and slow down. This is probably more effective than the first variation as it will certainly cause a thinning of the peleton due to various fractures and equipment malfunctions ocurring behind.

The Snot Bomb
This little trick works best during allergy season, or anytime that you have a head cold. Simply turn your head, close one nostril with your thumb, and forcefully expel any stored fluid through the other nostril. If you miss and the undesired wheelsucker is still clinging on, just remember you have another barrel you can use if need be. Another important tip, if you're low on ammo, combine this move with the Shake and Bake to increase your chances of a direct hit. And remember, you don't have to actually hit the rider for this one to work. If you leave a little shrapnel on the mouthpiece of his water bottle, for example, it'll have the desired effect when he gets thirsty. Just be patient.

The Fake Snot Bomb
If you find you have neither allergies, nor a head cold, don't fret. You can still use the Fake Snot Bomb to your advantage. Simply turn your head, and in the instant before you accelerate, yell loudly, "Snot Bomb!". Be sure the road ahead is clear because you'll want to watch the fun as they scatter behind you. This particular tactic is a favorite of my friend, Jeff Mills, who has perfected its use to a remarkable degree.

The Ego Method
Lastly (and I don't recommend this for everyone), is the Ego Method. Using this requires an ego that says "I'm stronger than you, and I'm going to prove it." It goes without saying that if you're going to attempt this, you better have the legs to back it up. I last saw this technique put to use on Tuesday evening, during the group ride, when at the end of Ruffner road (with several incidents of either pot-hole dodging, or Shake and Bake behind us), Ricky Bobby Bubba went to the front at the foot of the hill on Dog Track and set a pace up the hill that strung the bunch out before we got to the first crossroad. By then, there were of us left, Ricky Bobby Bubba, Mallory, Dirt Dog, and myself. Dirt Dog and I were cross-eyed with effort to stay out of the wind and on his wheel, and the farther we went up, the faster he pulled. When it was over, we had caught remnants of the group that started 10 minutes ahead of us, and the carnage among our group was spread out over a quarter mile down the hill behind us.

Yes, Ricky Bobby Bubba pulled off the Ego Method. I was impressed. I can't pull that fast...I can only suck wheel that fast.